I really grappled - and still am - with posting about my suicide attempt last summer. This blog is the first place I've ever made it public - even my family doesn't know it happened. I posted about it on a very very narrow filter on my personal blog but I found it very difficult to talk about there. Here, mask firmly in place, it's a bit easier. On one hand it is a manifestation of my illness (and an ongoing one - I still feel suicidal from time to time but with last summer still fresh in my mind I won't attempt again). On the other, the world treats suicide as shameful. Those who attempt it are "failures" who just need to "cheer up and see that it's not all that bad" - the caveat being unless of course one is elderly, has a severe disability or a chronic illness and then it's "okay" to stop living. The most glaring example of this was the young male RN who helped me to the washroom in ER and while he was assisting me blurted out "but why did you do it? A beautiful girl like you!". Because - of COURSE being beautiful is a buffer against anything horrible EVER happening to anyone.
He may have needed his eyes examined - spending an entire afternoon, evening and night vomiting didn't leave ME feeling beautiful. I didn't even feel fully human - add to that the gravol, the other anti-nausea meds, the sleeplessness, the sheer and utter crapitude of how I was feeling. But his comment was indicative of societal thought - and society as a whole needs to accept, to empathize, to de-stigmatize mental illness.