But I don't *look* sick (refrain)

In a recent phone conversation with my mother, I mentioned to her that I was pursuing disability status with the government as I am unable to work. In a glaring example of she just doesn't GET it, she replied "but you were doing so well with your job and you seemed less depressed."

Um yeah mom, whatever you say mom. My last job damn near killed me. Literally. 12 months into working as a customer service representative in a call centre, I attempted suicide (an overdose of migraine-strength tylenol. Robaxcet & vodka) which led to me spending 3 days in the hospital puking my guts out. I spent an additional 2 weeks taking a prescription-strength medication to calm my stomach down enough so that I could keep down food. Having to be somewhere at a set time 4 days a week (2 months prior, Human Resources and I had negotiated dropping my days from five a week to four - the minimum I could work and be considered full-time as far as benefits down - due to my depression and stress) plus the *additional* stress of dealing with assholes on the phone 8 hours a day (and assholes in middle management) was more stress than I could handle (along with some relationship drama - but *that* is a subject for a whole nother set of posts). I returned to work after I got out of the psych ward but the continued stress took its toll and 15 months in, I was left with no resources emotionally at all. I came down with the flu, felt so crap-tastic that I forgot to take my meds, which spiralled into me not sleeping for 2 straight days and barely eating. Needless to say I wasn't able to make it to work during this time - and as I was already in jeopardy from poor attendance*, I was fired. The after-affects of that job are still with me. Prior, I would have classed myself as an introvert with some outgoing tendencies and I enjoyed being social. Now? Days, if not weeks, go by where I don't even leave my apartment.

*One of the bigger causes was the fact that I'd had one panic attack at work and not really had anywhere safe to process it. The other was my insomnia/Seroquel loop (I get insomnia, take an extra tab - I've discussed this with my doctor. My regular dose is 50mg but I do have an extra 25mg built into my daily Rx for use as needed - finally fall asleep at dawn, wake up 8-12 hours later with all the mental acuity of tapioca pudding....and there goes my day - lest anyone thing my meds are a cakewalk: my first 2 weeks on Seroquel, I couldn't remember log in information at work to save my life - and I had 18 or so different logins and passwords to keep track of...and over those 2 weeks, I got myself locked out of each of them at least once cuz I was too muzzy-headed to remember the password [and I have always had an excellent memory])